Who will challenge you?

All through my life I’ve always had people telling me what to do. Call it Asian upbringing or call it overprotective parents. The ADD child inside of me rebelled although secretly I felt safe with all the structures placed around me. I didn’t have to think for myself, and when I did, I just didn’t follow the plan laid out for me and avoided a good chunk of my late teens, early twenties. At 29 now, I think back and I am astounded at how lost and how aimless I was. What the hell was I thinking? Everything I remember seems like a blur. How did I go about making the decisions that I did? I have no idea…

The lightbulb came on for me sometime last year. It was time to put some aim in my sight. It was time I figured out what I wanted. It was time to stop drifting.

As this journey is unfolding, the most difficult part is finding someone that will not take my excuses. Someone that will say to me that they don’t believe in the restrictions that I have placed on myself. Someone that will challenge and believe in me and then hopefully someone to guide me. 

I went out for a drink with my friend last night. A free-thinker, someone who is continually aiming for more and creating dreams. How important is it to have someone like that in your life. How amazing it is to have friends that are inspired and inspire you? I had a great time being asked questions that no one ever asks. It was wonderful to have a couple more lightbulbs come on over the course of the conversation. In my journey of continual growth, I am so looking forward to surrounding myself with more awesome people. How awesome would that be.

I see the light.

So I haven’t posted anything for a long while, been going through the second coming of major negativity. 

I just finished three sessions with the psychiatrist, along with possibly going to school and opening up my window, and loving my studies. I feel like I see a path now, I see some light, I see some sort of hope.

Apparently, I don’t have a mild case of ADD, I have a pretty severe case. I am smart and have supposedly managed my symptoms so well that most people can’t tell. I’ve put myself in a job where it makes my life work as much as I’m not enjoying my job right now. I view myself negatively and have been given the exercise of thinking of how to put my negative traits in a positive way.

This is quite the rambling of incoherence, but I feel so…HAPPY at the moment. I’m really enjoying what I’m doing and so EXCITED to pursue it further….

12 hours of studying at school..I’m out!

Make you feel my love…

Definitely a little late but I finally watched the Glee episode “The Quarterback”. How painfully heart-wrenching to watch and how lovingly the cast performed to the memory of Cory Monteith. 

I remember the night Cory Monteith passed away. I was snuggling up in bed, checking Facebook, emails and Instagrams before calling it a night. Then came all the horrible Facebook statuses. It couldn’t be! The torrid stories of hotel personnel finding his body sickened me. It must’ve been some sort of internet hoax! I knew Cory Monteith had previous drug issues. Coming from the same province, we had mutual acquaintances and I knew he had gone to rehab years ago with some of my colleagues. The fact that he passed away in my home city, just 10 minutes away from where I lived and and the floor above where my friends were partying that night, it made the fact hit me so hard. Not usually one to pay much attention to celebrity deaths and overdoses, I was absolutely gutted by the death of Cory. Hard not to, he’s one of us, he’s a BC boy.

I haven’t watched Glee in a few seasons. When it first aired, it was something that my ex boyfriend watched together considering we were both huge Broadway and musical fans. When we had broken up, watching the show proved to be too painful and I stopped. I’d always loved the combination of Cory and Finn, such a good guy, such a great representation of the boy next door.

It’s been months since he’s passed away but I am still saddened every time I see news of him. I wish that he is resting in peace, his inner demons fought and that Lea Michele is well and carrying on his memory.

RIP Cory Monteith.

Medication

Sorry this one will be a rant. If one more person tells me to stop taking me ADD medication because “it’s bad for me”, I will seriously snap.

First of all, I don’t take my medication all the time, mostly three times a week when I need to focus, so don’t tell me that I’m acting differently. I’ve always been extremely forgetful. It’s called ADD, that is why I’m on meds.  It’s not the meds making forgetful.

Second, how do you know “it’s bad for me?” Unless you’ve done extensive research on it or have taken it and turned into crackwhore, don’t tell me it’s bad for me because I don’t care for facts coming out of your a**hole.

Finally, yes I do need my medication to focus. I do realize there are other elements to dealing with ADD and I am incorporating it into my routine, but Adderall has done wonders for me in aiding with my everyday life, getting things done and keeping me on track.

So eff off and let me be. Opinions are like a**holes, I’ve already got mine, I don’t need yours.

Thank you.

Exhaustion and disappointment

My day job is a hairstylist and I’ve been working at one of the top salons in the city for the last 9 years.  I have a clientele that I absolutely adore.  They are the nicest, sweetest and most wonderful people.  But sometimes, it’s time to move on.  I’ve spent all of my twenties in a job that I just “fell into”.   My body is tired, I cannot picture standing for another year.  I can’t move after work, I’m so exhausted. 

I recently just applied for a hotel sales job.  Granted I didn’t put a whole lot of effort in the resume and not sure I even meet the qualifications and I was just applying for fun, but damn I’d forgotten what rejection feels like.  I’m so used to clients coming in and being happy with my services and tipping me and listening to my stories.  Maybe that’s as good as it’s going to get?  The day the job opening closed I received the rejection email. I quickly deleted it, not wanting to stare at the rejection any longer.   

I remember my promise to quit my job before my 30th birthday and I am going to stick with it.  This saving money thing is proving to be very difficult especially in a city like this, but it will happen and be possible…

“if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”

I will try.

Leap…and the net will find you

My gosh, I think I’m going to do it!

I am reading The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau right now and feeling just so inspired.  I’m going to do it, I’m going to set out and do what I really want to do.  I want to travel, I want to try all the foods of the world, I want to see the world.  I turn 30 on August 24, 2014. 

I am promising myself right now, I will save enough money up until that point and take off on my adventure.  My ADD has never boded well with the “normal” life and now I will suck it up, do whatever I can to make that dream come true.  How long have I been talking about this for?  I will make this happen!

It’s true, there’s never a better time than now.  Once I settle everything and sell everything I own, I will embark on this journey.  I am also going to Chris Guillebeau’s World Domination Summit next July so that will be the perfect last kick and boost I need.

I’ve always believed that everything works itself out one way or another.  I just need to apply that faith to my life NOW.

Goal = have $20,000 in my bank account before I leave and that includes selling my car.  

No more mini travel trips.  No more designer bags.  No more stupid silly money spending, like buying lunch and dinner everyday.  

Please support me, root for me, and cheer me on.  

Thank you.